Growing up Abused.......

Growing up Abused.......

      The articles today about the #METOO movement is quite interesting for me to read and remains quite ugly in my minds eye. As a child who at 12 into 13 was sexually abused by a family member I wish I could now press charges, their wrinkles do not change their crime. Their closeness only made it more evil, their excuse even more pitiful and predatory, I was abused in jail, so I abused in return...not an adult however but my wife's little sister, somehow it was all okay that way. Hidden from the small town, then as I became predictably rebellious against those who forced a lie upon me I was chastised as a bad kid.
     By 18 I had my first child and a horribly marriage to a verbally abusive man, at 19 second child now scared and wanting out I run by age 20. These are the beginning of many sad and poor choices . The marriage because I thought I had to, again conformity and I are strange bedfellows....Torn between the belief that things need to be a certain way, relieved when they fall apart. Life can be an interesting tour guide however be careful who you follow along the way. This brings me back to this METOO movement. I actually respectfully disagree that the way this came about is in any way not choice driven. That said bad choices abound us, ramifications are real, life is a hard learning area. I can safely say as a child who when I hit the age of maturity would have wanted to press charges and couldn't due to statute of limitations, I say this movement has done little other then to create a huge public forum for woman who have chosen to go against their ID and may have chosen a path so completely paved over that the hollywood Mall used to have a oversized statute of "The Directors Couch" with worn out areas where many have laid before.
       What has the movement done for those of us not famous, and unable to find peace from what had occurred I ask.....Those of us who managed to hide within the confines of normalcy while a broken spirit is all that has always remained inside??

     I wish I had answers, as my now older children don't care for me I regret many choices I made for and in the belief of being in their best interest, my broken soul could not stay where it needed to be. They really will never know me as a Mom they want yet my soul cries when I see their positives because I see them last if ever. I hide much of my turmoil from the rest of my children so I always have a part of me tucked away hoping to never be discovered, lastly my littlest, how do I protect her from this world, never let her be well...be me?