Isn't the everyday supposed to be boring?? Isn't that where hump day began?? I would take ONE boring week please!!!
Just One!!
I'm waiting.........
Just One!!
I'm waiting.........
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
new day, old way
well I need to make some relaxing bath scrub....peony oil rose oil and epsom salts
maybe that will be the new escape.....Good God I need one. Im exhausted all the time disease will kill me in the physical but not in the mental....emotional is another thing no telling on that front.
too tired to even write my thoughts but in short
Family
understanding
empathy or lack there of
fear
all in the end leads to exhaustion for sure
maybe that will be the new escape.....Good God I need one. Im exhausted all the time disease will kill me in the physical but not in the mental....emotional is another thing no telling on that front.
too tired to even write my thoughts but in short
Family
understanding
empathy or lack there of
fear
all in the end leads to exhaustion for sure
Monday, April 21, 2014
Death, Dismay, and a generalized disappointment
Today I am just exhausted.....
on March 10 2014 I lost my mother....she died a long fight against Alzheimer's and although I know she isnt in pain and can think like she used to and speak like when she was young, as well as simply move about up in heaven like she did when she was young, unencumbered by the weight of pain, sickness and aging I still miss her so much it simply hurts. People tell me this subsides but how do you take away the pain of losing your biggest cheerleader, your inspiration, your idol, and honestly the only person who stood by me unconditionally in any storm that arose? How?
Since her passing our family has fragmented....Siblings have shown their true sides...money, greed, entitlement...all accounted for without a doubt. I swear to God the only thing I haven't heard (yet) is "she loved me the most" But I am waiting. I am almost sure its coming.
Then there is me....the generalized despair, coupled with the fact that my body has chosen to be weak during this so every damn medical issue I have ever had is rising up.....I feel like shit, not a depressed shit a physical shit....does it really make a difference where it starts this is where it ends.
In the massive changes that have happened the house has started resembling a vortex with no hope of fixing it....junk getting stuffed in places it doesn't belong, papers not getting filed away properly, just complete chaos. I think to say my wits end burnt up in a ball of flames a long while ago doesn't quite cover it!!
I want to get so much done I had hoped I would feel better by now but in looking around I realize I don't and I won't is the bottom line for sure.
Oh well...they say life goes on and I am striving towards it. I really miss my Mom.
on March 10 2014 I lost my mother....she died a long fight against Alzheimer's and although I know she isnt in pain and can think like she used to and speak like when she was young, as well as simply move about up in heaven like she did when she was young, unencumbered by the weight of pain, sickness and aging I still miss her so much it simply hurts. People tell me this subsides but how do you take away the pain of losing your biggest cheerleader, your inspiration, your idol, and honestly the only person who stood by me unconditionally in any storm that arose? How?
Since her passing our family has fragmented....Siblings have shown their true sides...money, greed, entitlement...all accounted for without a doubt. I swear to God the only thing I haven't heard (yet) is "she loved me the most" But I am waiting. I am almost sure its coming.
Then there is me....the generalized despair, coupled with the fact that my body has chosen to be weak during this so every damn medical issue I have ever had is rising up.....I feel like shit, not a depressed shit a physical shit....does it really make a difference where it starts this is where it ends.
In the massive changes that have happened the house has started resembling a vortex with no hope of fixing it....junk getting stuffed in places it doesn't belong, papers not getting filed away properly, just complete chaos. I think to say my wits end burnt up in a ball of flames a long while ago doesn't quite cover it!!
I want to get so much done I had hoped I would feel better by now but in looking around I realize I don't and I won't is the bottom line for sure.
Oh well...they say life goes on and I am striving towards it. I really miss my Mom.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Season of the Witch
So work has continued on quite the venture, Docs behaving badly (more trifling behavior) I see now that even if the super could change things she is enmeshed way beyond that....sooo I am looking at this as a venture in maintaining a positive attitude and keeping "MY" slate clean. I am shocked and to some extent insulted at how nonchalant some people are about the care they give....or in this case that they chart given then meander on.....such a sad state. If you were to step up you would be slaughtered in your stance.....Make no mistake these people have worked quite hard at the "illusion of hard work" Looking busy, sounding important....just ugly.
Tomorrow I go back.....after these last few days off I am still tired and weary.....I think its just part and parcel anymore....soon lives pastures will green up a tad hopefully it won't be from BS on the ground!
On a family note...Scooby is NUTZ!! Sinead is just so adorable in her every being that I am just so happy when I see that smiling face! I miss her so much while away and find I have a harder time now...Stay at Home Mom is the hardest and most rewarding job ever....and I do miss it. I hope it can be restarted sometime soon. I see so much that I would tackle.
Well it was my turn to make life changes happen for sure.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
New Latitude, Bad Attitude....
Well we have moved yet again...this one is definitely NOT a place we will permanently reside ;(
I had hoped in the beginning it would be a lets make this fun and flip this place...then the nightmares began...as we are now on contractor #3, hopefully a better situation.... we have the hole from hell in there....gutted a bathroom to the studs, circa 1970 insulation...old and definitely useless! Wiring shot beyond imagination, house open from the roof to the basement!!! Good Lord just dont let this place catch fire with us in it!
Rupert has terrible allergies here so he surely hates it.....Sean PTSD....UGGG....Me, Just waiting to get farther North...my compass is surely off here.
I started a new job, surely it could have NOT been more of a shock.....hateful attitude by most all and funny part is the supervisor seems good with it...eee gads....all I can say. I am taking all education with outside entities for the apathy here is easily jading. I would hate to imagine how long before I become hard down here. I am much better suited for a different area so I do not get sucked in......ever!!
Well the positives...we have a new baby.....Scooby Doo the weim mix...Sinead loves him...its "Her Scooby"
So on that front life is good...Sinead is a breath of fresh air....she has gone from carpet crawler to gymnast extraordinaire! A pure picture of life in motion not wanting to miss a second yet every once in a while so sweet and will slow down for a simple hug. absolutely the most amazing child God surely didn't miss a smile upon our hearts with this one...she never ceases to amaze me in how sweet she is...just in how many ways she can show it.
I had hoped in the beginning it would be a lets make this fun and flip this place...then the nightmares began...as we are now on contractor #3, hopefully a better situation.... we have the hole from hell in there....gutted a bathroom to the studs, circa 1970 insulation...old and definitely useless! Wiring shot beyond imagination, house open from the roof to the basement!!! Good Lord just dont let this place catch fire with us in it!
Rupert has terrible allergies here so he surely hates it.....Sean PTSD....UGGG....Me, Just waiting to get farther North...my compass is surely off here.
I started a new job, surely it could have NOT been more of a shock.....hateful attitude by most all and funny part is the supervisor seems good with it...eee gads....all I can say. I am taking all education with outside entities for the apathy here is easily jading. I would hate to imagine how long before I become hard down here. I am much better suited for a different area so I do not get sucked in......ever!!
Well the positives...we have a new baby.....Scooby Doo the weim mix...Sinead loves him...its "Her Scooby"
So on that front life is good...Sinead is a breath of fresh air....she has gone from carpet crawler to gymnast extraordinaire! A pure picture of life in motion not wanting to miss a second yet every once in a while so sweet and will slow down for a simple hug. absolutely the most amazing child God surely didn't miss a smile upon our hearts with this one...she never ceases to amaze me in how sweet she is...just in how many ways she can show it.
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